Trains (of thought and the Choo Choo kind).

This week’s flowers from my thought(am):

(It’s like the Malayalam thottam, i.e. garden, but it’s my thought garden. Hehe, it was funnier in my head.)

Once more, I have skipped weeks of my weekly newsletter, so we shall now approach this as a (sort of) weekly newsletter. Helps me sleep a little better at night. Hehe.

I had a very busy start to my year, with a whirlwind trip to Chennai that was equal parts draining and equal parts fulfilling. It was draining (emotionally and physically) because I was not prepared for the heat (yes, classic Bengaluru girl behaviour), and I was thrown head-first into a lot of field realities that I was not ready for. More on that, perhaps another day; for now, we focus on the easier parts.

I came back home with a heart filled to the brim (90% of this is credited to Chennai filter coffee). My favourite memory from the entire trip was living out my Alaipayuthey dream (minus Maddy, unfortunately) in the suburban rail. For every old-school romantic who grew up consuming Mani Ratnam frames, the train plays an integral role in their (over) romanticisation of the mundane. And boy, I over romanticised that half an hour journey and HOW.

I must slide in a slightly well-known yet not-so-known fact about myself here. Romanticising life for Ameya comes with a side of creating an unhealthy number of playlists to capture very specific emotions. So, of course, I made a ‘wind is blowing in my hair, and I’m on a train’ playlist for Chennai. Suddenly, life seemed only about that half an hour, and the way the wind felt on my face, refusing to let me think about anything except how I felt right then.

I always associate Mani Ratnam with Amma because I’d have long-drawn conversations with her about how beautiful and real his heroines are. I’d also have equally long-drawn arguments about how I simply didn’t get how Bombay or Roja were romantic movies; that kind of love gave me the ‘ick.’ What do you mean you met a guy for the first time and fell in love? And then, in 2015 came O Kadhal Kanmani. And man, I was floored.

Yes, Dulquer Salman was an important part of the said flooring, but more than that, I was beyond ecstatic to see a character called Tara (Nithya Menen) being played on screen. She was everything I was. She, too, was highly opinionated, stubborn, emotional, confused, constantly torn between idealism and being a strong rational woman, loved singing to paatis (hehe), and loved so loudly. She also wore clothes like me and seemed so real and un-heroine-esque (there I go, inventing new words again). Anyway, long story short I was bitten hard by the MR bug, and life has always been very over romanticised since then. Damnit.

I was recently made aware of how intrinsic Tamil has been to my life. I had never given it a second thought before, but I found myself thinking about how big a part Tamil pop culture has played in my life and how I subconsciously had a lot of love and personal connection to the language. Maybe it’s a Malayali thing. I have only very rarely found Malayalis who have not grown up listening to Tamil music almost as much as Malayalam music. Tamil history, literature, movies and music were always talked about in conversations and there was always a ‘macha/chechi’ inexplicable vibe shared with Tamil friends. It always reminds me of poetry, tenderness and my friends growing up. All background scores in my life are cinematic orchestras from old Tamil movies. I’m almost always humming a Tamil tune, and I have always sighed the deepest after hearing a Tamil lyric that somehow manages to capture the right emotion in ways English cannot. In some ways, Tamil is home.

As I come to the end of this thought thread, I’d like to give a shoutout to

jahnavi

for helping me be a bit kinder to myself while writing. I sat down, not having anything to write, and decided to just write anyway. And keep writing. Here’s to a 2025 that’s filled with lots and lots of imperfect writing. (Also, nothing brightens my week more than

thodi

please go check it out!)

---

Screenshots from this week:

Weekly hard and not hard-hitting lessons/something that popped right out of a book/my Instagram feed and reached into my head

On the note of writing more, I’ve also put out an article on Medium. It’s a slightly heavier read, but I’ve been sitting a lot with thoughts about women’s rights to loiter, and I’ve put down my (slightly angry) two cents on the matter. Do give it a read!

---

What I’ve been humming:

(This song weirdly fits the MR-obsessed local train vibe, and it’s been playing on loop in my head. Thoughts?)

---

This newsletter is dedicated to writers everywhere.

May you always find your stories worth telling.

Big ummas and hugs,

Always, Ameya.