To know or not to know, and why we always need to know.
notes from a confusing month
This week’s flowers from my thought(am):
(It’s like the Malayalam thottam, i.e. garden, but it’s my thought garden. Hehe, it was funnier in my head.)
This writing is going to read a little scattered. It’s kind of reflective of how I’ve been feeling lately, and I wanted to put some thoughts on paper to feel better. It is written more as a letter from my journal that I’m sharing with you, so I can untangle my thoughts out loud. It is also more of a public reminder to myself that I can keep coming back to, and a call to action, of sorts.
Dear A,
This entire month has been so overwhelming. ‘Dazed’, would be an apt way to start describing it. Almost overnight, the entire country went into a frenzy of information overload, misinformation, and a lack of information. Social media was the worst place to be, and yet staying off it seemed like a crime. Information, during troubling times, is crucial. Times like these, when there are multiple things happening in your home country as well as worldwide, always lead to an ache you’re all too familiar with.
‘Why do I need to know this much?’
Since you were a child, you’ve always been encouraged to learn more. Asking questions was always met with either a book being given to you, a minimum 10-minute explainer, or a ‘why don’t you find out yourself? ’ And you did. You spent so much time in libraries and looping in and out of conversations.
You also always felt like there was so much more to know. It never seemed enough.
Social media made an entrance into your life only when you were around 18. And boy, the internet was the worst and best place to be. The possibilities were limitless. It was everything you needed - a place filled with databases, videos and networks to tap into. It was also a place to stream all your favourite shows and movies, and even download books that seemed out of reach. It was a place where you grew communities, shared stories with strangers and built really memorable connections. (And of course, shared aesthetic pictures of your weekend because otherwise it did not happen.)
And then came the overwhelm.
The magic of interconnectedness came with a heaviness. It came with a side of ‘now that you have access to information, it is your responsibility to know’. And you know you’re not alone in feeling this.
An almost too repetitive rabbithole you and your friends drown in is the familiar ‘I wish I could switch off for a couple of days and ignore the world, but isn’t that the worst thing to do right now?’ You are always lamenting about how many books will go unread, how much will go unlearned and how there is not enough time to consume all the knowledge you want to. It’s exhausting.
But A, not knowing is worse. You would choose the exhaustion of trying to be well-informed over living in ignorance every day. On days you feel like it’s unfair, let me remind you to take a break, but never ignore the power of knowledge. Remember, it is a privilege it is to be handed information, and to never need to fight for it.
It is power and privilege that help you switch off. That helps you wake up every day and choose where you put your energy. Being able to ask the question: ‘Can I not know this?’, is the reason you should.
Yes, I know, the news is overwhelming. Knowledge is exhausting. Ask any researcher - going deeper and deeper into one particular question can take everything from you. You know this yourself. But I want you to take this as a sign to not always live in a bubble. The danger of being apolitical is that it gets so comforting, you won’t realise how dystopian your bubble has become until it’s too late. You won’t realise you’ve lost your humanity until it’s too late.
The fog of overwhelm and misinformation is very real. But you know, taking a step back always helps. You know you’re slowly learning the art of wading through news and learning to read better. Learning what noise looks like. And this, unfortunately, also comes with knowing more. And it’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not an easy world to decipher, but I see you try and try and try, because you refuse to not know.
I know you have the urge to read everything, listen to every podcast and talk to every person you come across, but slow down. You can’t know everything, I hate to break that to you. It is also not a single fight. You owe it to yourself to always lean on others, build knowledge collectively, and take breaks! Information is exhausting. Read better, read wider, read well. Don’t overwhelm yourself.
He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow, but maybe sorrow is necessary to keep being a better human. To ground you better. And to remind yourself of your deeply rooted humanity. Everybody has the right to choose their battles, but please choose well! Fight some fights. Know some things. Burst some bubbles.
Lots of love,
A
Ameya’s Meal Tracker:
I'm trying to improve my diet (to be read as: I’m trying to read more and better). A section where I share short thoughts/reviews of books I’m reading to keep me accountable to my ‘I-must-read-more-in-2025’ goal).
One of the books I finished recently was Munnu: A Boy From Kashmir. The timeline of the read made it quite hard to read, and I got through it quite slowly, really taking my time with it. On a sidenote - been reading more graphic novels this year, and this was such a beautiful first to start on!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Do I recommend it?: Yes! A very honest insight into the author’s childhood in Kashmir and his transition into using his art to tell the story of Kashmir. Go pick it up if you can.
Did it taste good?: It was really difficult to digest, but an easy read nevertheless.
Was it nutritious?: Absolutely.
Screenshots from this week:
Weekly hard and not hard-hitting lessons/something that popped right out of a book/my Instagram feed and reached into my head
What I’ve been humming:
(Something I always listen to when things feel uneasy around and in me)
This newsletter is dedicated to all the people who find themselves in the middle of conflict, whose stories are either written away or never heard.
May you find pockets of peace during times like this and keep reading more than a single story.
Big ummas and hugs,
Always, Ameya.